A Whole Bunch of Animals Walk Into a Bar



This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"


This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"


This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...


A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."


The termite with the toothache walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?


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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."


A man walks into a bar with a crocodile and throws it on the floor. Bar man says "you can't leave that lying there". Man says "its not a lion its a crocodile"


A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and a ..................................... packet of peanuts".

The bartender said, "Why the big paws?"


A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks. As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk. The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables and the man decides to go home.

As the man is leaving, he's approached by the barman who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?"

"Hmph," says the man, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."


A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig.”
The woman says, “That’s not a pig, that’s a duck.”
He says, “I was talking to the duck.”


A pony walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, may I have a drink?”
The bartender says, “What was that, I couldn’t hear you.”
So the pony says, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”